15 minutes

My therapist told me to find fifteen minutes of quiet time all to myself so that I can journal my thoughts.  Everyday.  That got me to thinking how much time we take for granted during the day.  My initial thought was; I do not have fifteen minutes of spare time.  I do not even have five!  But when I really stopped everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, I realized how much time I spent wasting my energy on things that will never amount to anything.  Then my thought after that was, wow I am such a flake!  I have been wasting time on silly little things when I could actually be living life to the fullest.  Then I realized that this attitude, this feeling of "you are not measuring up to" was this THING that I had been dealing with my whole adult life.  THAT THING, that feeling of inadequate stuff, that feeling that I can never really be great at anything no matter how hard I try is a direct result of low self esteem that stems from abuse.  It does not matter where the abuse comes from, the issue is that it is there and now that it has a name, and we know that it is a thing, how an be make it better?