Dark Nights of the Soul

I have reading this awesome book by Thomas Moore.  Its called Dark nights of the Soul: A Guide to Finding Your Way Through Life's Ordeals.  I would highly recommend it to anyone who feel they are in a rut.  Here is an excerpt:

"Life constantly ferries us to a new level of maturity.  Each of us is like a boat passing through a long series of locks that lifts us up or take us down to a new plateau.  We go from one phase to another, each change a new challenge.....in our own way we all go through passages that leave a lasting mark...."

He goes on to explain that every major life change shakes our consciousness and causes us to rethink our way of life.  When we do not wake up to that shake....we do not take that necessary transition to that new life we are supposed to be living.  We resist the need for change by not accepting life's changes through growing into a new state of awareness.  For instance, we may get married and our single life may not die to us; become a parent and not allow that childless way of living to die within us.

Reading this book has made me realize that it is okay to experience a dark night more than once in my life.  It is even okay to let the waves of that darkness wash over me.  It is not okay to become the darkness and to let it totally engulf me or even worse to drown.  Life with all of its happy and sad is not about what you experience, its about how you deal with those experiences.  Make it a blessed day!

Blessings!

15 minutes

My therapist told me to find fifteen minutes of quiet time all to myself so that I can journal my thoughts.  Everyday.  That got me to thinking how much time we take for granted during the day.  My initial thought was; I do not have fifteen minutes of spare time.  I do not even have five!  But when I really stopped everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, I realized how much time I spent wasting my energy on things that will never amount to anything.  Then my thought after that was, wow I am such a flake!  I have been wasting time on silly little things when I could actually be living life to the fullest.  Then I realized that this attitude, this feeling of "you are not measuring up to" was this THING that I had been dealing with my whole adult life.  THAT THING, that feeling of inadequate stuff, that feeling that I can never really be great at anything no matter how hard I try is a direct result of low self esteem that stems from abuse.  It does not matter where the abuse comes from, the issue is that it is there and now that it has a name, and we know that it is a thing, how an be make it better?

It is amazing what avenues you can drive down when you can see clearly.

Stay away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that. The really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Purpose

I suppose I am here because something remains for me to do; I suppose I am yet to help break the chain;
--Harriet Tubman.

Marva Collins says in one of her books that a one thing a family can do to create a sense of union is to create a mission statement.  In her school, Westside Prepartory Academy, her students recited a mission statement every morning.  Big businesses do this as well.  The Army does it.  Why not a family?  Why not you?  If I were to create a mission statement it would read something like this.......

"I will live everyday like it is my last, developing healthy long lasting relationships with like minded,  God fearing, spirit filled people.  I will love until it hurts, balancing a healthy mix of laughter and tears combined with the realization that all things are possible if you believe them into existence.  I will lead with a compassionate fervor.  God has blessed me with two beautiful souls (my children) and I am humbled at how much I have learned from them.  They are watching me and they deserve to see the best that I've got.  It is okay for me to fail but failure is not an excuse to give up on life; it is a learning experience.  I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  God does not make mistakes and he broke the mold when he made me!  I am not behind, I am right where I need to be."

I do not think that a mission statement should be written and set in stone.  As you learn and grow this is something that should be revised over time.

Do you have a purpose?

Kiss Your Brain

Time flies when you are depressed. I cannot believe it.  I never wanted to be "that" person.  You know that person that cries for everything?  That person that is not in control of her emotions so that folks walk on egg shells around her because you never know when she is going to snap?  For appearances sake, and no doubt through the Grace of God, I am sure that I appear normal on the outside to most folks.  But in the inside.... I am screaming.  I am so angry that I cannot see straight and at times I swear I cannot believe I do not spontaneously combust.  This emotional roller coaster that I did not set into motion has left me walking tall on the outside.  But inside...when I am alone with my thoughts, when I think no one is looking, I am slumped over.  I drag my feet and I am still sleep walking through life.  Why am I doing this to myself?  What kind of quality of life do I have if I am not healthy inside AND out?

When I feel like this my diet is also totally out of control.  I have not made one green smoothie this week. Correction, I did make some smoothie but they are sitting in the fridge because I have not drank them.   I have taken to drinking coffee again which I am sure has left me somewhat dehydrated.  Its a wonder that I can make tears at all.  Are my emotions and my diet linked?  What came first, the tears or the grilled cheese with extra butter?  

It occurs to me as I am typing this that our insides have two parts.  One part is the physical part, our plumbing, all the stuff inside us that keeps us going.   The second part is the spiritual and emotional parts of us.  When I am teaching my little ones, I tell them to kiss their brains when they get an answer right or even if they did not get it right but they tried their best.  What have you done to kiss your brain lately?  My brain is thirsty and tired because I have not been nourishing it like I should.  Our inside parts cannot function properly if we do not give them what they need.  An interesting link to read is here

 http://www.thethinkingbusiness.co.uk/brainfoods.htm 

its all about the brain and how it functions and what is needs to function correctly.  

In one of the many books that I am reading, "Walk Tall: Affirmations for People of Color" the author, Carleen Brice, states that there have been times in her life when externally she has been walking tall but internally, her spirit was drooping.  Our emotional insides are made up of the things that have happened to us throughout our lives and the things that we do today that dictate our futures. Our physical insides are the same.  You are what you eat.  Straighten up that internal slouch, drink some water and kiss your brain!   

Power

The power to make everyday a positive day is within us.  Positive thoughts yield positive outcomes.  We can say that we are making positive changes and to the outside world we can look great.  But on the inside, where we are alone with our inner child, are we having a tantrum?  What does a nurturing parent say to a child that is throwing a tantrum or having a bad day? We talk them through it.  We make them realize that it even if a bad thing has happened to them, they have the power to react to that unkind thing in a way that makes the sun start shining again.   Never let anyone steal your joy.  Make it a great day!